Prayer of the Optina Elders

I used to think that all prayer had to be original in order to be genuine and pleasing to God. But upon discovering the vast treasury of prayers in Orthodoxy, I can see how much I was missing by adhering to a firm policy of originality. The below morning prayer is a good example. It succinctly summarizes everything I need to ask for in the day, and it gently steers my wandering mind back to God's will. While I still value originality in some prayers, I am increasingly valuing the power in these ancient words - words that I wouldn't come up with on my own, but do my heart good.

Prayer of the Optina Elders

Grant unto me, O Lord, that with peace of mind I may face all that this new day is to bring.
Grant unto me to dedicate myself completely to Thy Holy Will.
For every hour of this day, instruct and support me in all things.
Whatsoever tidings I may receive during the day, do Thou teach me to accept tranquilly, in the firm conviction that all eventualities fulfill Thy Holy Will.
Govern Thou my thoughts and feelings in all I do and say.
When things unforeseen occur, let me not forget that all cometh down from Thee.
Teach me to behave sincerely and rationally toward every member of my family, that I may bring confusion and sorrow to none.
Bestow upon me, my Lord, strength to endure the fatigue of the day, and to bear my part in all its passing events.
Guide Thou my will and teach me to pray, to believe, to hope, to suffer, to forgive, and to love.

Amen

Akathist of Thanksgiving recording

My brother Fritz supplied me with the Akathist of Thanksgiving on my phone before my iE trip to Costa Rica last fall. I listened to it in the airport waiting for my flight, and I was blown away by not only the beauty of the singing, but also by the words that strike at the heart of our human experience in a remarkable way. It seems to be a living manifestation of the command to "give thanks in all circumstances." (1 Thes. 5:18)

One of my favorite parts goes like this:
"The storms of life are not frightening to one in whose heart shines the light of Your fire. All around the weather is bad; there is darkness, horror, and the howling wind. But in the soul of such a one there is peace and light - CHRIST IS THERE! And the heart sings alleluia."

Here is a youtube clip that, as far as I can tell, mirrors the recording I have on my phone. Listen when you have about a half hour to kill, preferably at a time when you can look out a window at the beauty of creation. :) Sunset is a nice time for this, but I listened at about 3:00 a.m. in an airport terminal and was just as touched. :)

Oh, and FYI, "Theotokos" refers to Mary. It literally means "God-bearer." (More on that one later...)

Can it really be TRUE?

Can it BE?

I think it's normal to be skeptical of the idea that one church claims to be "the true church" of Christ. Goodness, many denominations try to make that claim without a leg to stand on, and those of us who have enjoyed a "nondenominational" status get sick of hearing about it. 

But....what if, just as a child waking on Christmas morning to discover they really did get a pony - that unthinkable dream - what if we could imagine for a moment that the original church of our Lord and Savior still exists today? What if we can say prayers and sing songs that were spoken by the apostles in the early years of the Christian church? What if we could put down our defenses and trust without question (the way we trust the Bible!) that our church doctrine and tradition is sound and full of life. The first time I imagined this idea it took my breath away! I realized I had become a bit cold and calloused, assuming that it was just our lot in life to wrestle with doctrinal discrepancies, hoping to make the best of them with as much wisdom as we could muster. 

But when I was shown another path...it was such a delight. I hope, somehow, I can communicate that delight in small ways through this blog. For starters, it feels as though the secret wish I never dared to utter has been fulfilled: there is a Church that stands firm before me, as it has since its inception. My heart leaps to think that I could dare to trust that Church as a gift from God, just as I trust the Bible as being divinely inspired. 

I Always Thought we NEEDED Reform...

I always believed that the early church was a mystery to us, except what we are able to perceive by reading about it in the Bible. I believed that the church had been obscured and marred by man's own purposes - that the Catholic church took liberties outside of God's will and created a "works-based" religion that removed Christ from his rightful place at the center. 

The goal, then, was to "make it right." This is what the Reformers set out to do, and this was our task as well. Since sinful man will always stray away from the truth, we must "always be reforming" to be sure that we come back to our "true North" - the Bible. So, we're always reforming and re-reforming....until we've re-reformed ourselves into several thousand different Christian churches across the country. 

While I did always recognize that this was a little bit crazy, I didn't really think there was anything we could do about it. I mean, if the early church was still around, then there'd be no question of who is right, how to structure the church, and so on. But it's not around, so we just have to come before God with humble hearts and do the best we can using the Bible and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Interestingly, 1000 people can come at that same goal, using the same resources, and land on different results. And this is exactly what has happened.)

Here's the game-changer: What if the early church DOES still exist today? 

Each individual Orthodox church across the world can trace its lineage directly back to the time of the Apostles. (Can you believe that?) And what's more, while there HAVE been human failings and disputes, the original faith and the common practices of that faith seem to be completely in tact. Those disputes have not resulted in a broken and dismantled Orthodoxy. It's my understanding that they have been confronted and settled, with the common goal being to clarify existing doctrines and to defend original truth, but never to change them or add a new "more relevant" interpretation.  Even today, the original faith marches on. 

This sounds a good deal like Jesus's own description of his Church: "On this rock I shall build my church, and the gates of Hell shall not overcome it." 

This post, in a nutshell, is why I feel it's so important to explore Orthodoxy: If the claims of Orthodoxy are true, it's a game-changer for the rest of us.  

Illumined

We turn 

to shield our eyes from Truth

as from the bright blare of sharpest sunlight.

Comfort from our own hands. 

Familiar. 

But - 

a cautious glance (and then another - if we dare) 

will not burn us up, as we so quietly fear. 

We become illumined. 

We become. 

Prayer Before Reading the Holy Scripture

Illumine our hearts, O Master Who lovest mankind, with the pure light of Thy divine knowledge. Open the eyes of our mind to the understanding of Thy gospel teachings. Implant also in us the fear of Thy blessed commandments, that trampling down all carnal desires, we may enter upon a spiritual manner of living, both thinking and doing such things as are well-pleasing unto Thee. For Thou art the illumination of our souls and bodies, O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe glory, together with Thy Father, Who is from everlasting, and Thine all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

- Orthodox Church in America 

"We can do whatever we want."

You know how some moments of your life seem to stick with you? It's as though your brain randomly selects those moments and locks them into a permanent holding tank that doesn't fade even as other memories slip away.

I have one such memory of a conversation that has since become meaningful to me as I consider Orthodoxy.

A church I once attended was going through a transitional period, to say the least. There had been some rough patches, but the leaders and the congregation truly wanted to serve God and the people around them.

I remember being part of a group of people who were discussing possible changes. How should we orient the seating? Where should the "stage" be? What about having couches in the back, or lounge style tables with tall chairs, like in a coffee shop? What about the art on the walls - perhaps something artistic that depicts God's love in a creative way?

One of the leaders - a young, cool guy who we all generally liked and respected - said this (and yes, I oddly remember his quote verbatim):

"We're starting fresh here. We can do whatever we want."

The implication of course was meant to be a positive one. We can really go the extra mile to make our service more "user-friendly." More "seeker-centered." More "relevant." Those are all good things, right?

But there's a dark and shifty danger in the idea that "We can do whatever we want." It is born when we start to imagine that we could (or should) use our own measuring stick to assess the worship of God. It grows out of infancy when we begin to apply our own wisdom and skills to define what worship truly should look like. And it becomes a tyrannical monster when we feel we've achieved (by our own decisions, our own choices, our own talent) the pinnacle of what church was really meant to be.

Of course, people largely have the best of intentions. At least, that's what I believe. But that's what's so sneaky about evil. It doesn't come charging in with a battering ram to announce itself. It slips quietly through the back door, perches imperceptibly on the shoulder, and whispers half-truths that have the sound of genius about them. If we let it in, it clouds the mind and sedates the heart, lulling us into submission when we didn't even realize there was an enemy about.

Today at Redeemer Pesbyterian, Rev. Cassidy spoke about "me-centered worship" vs. "God-centered worship." I appreciated the truth he shared and feel he is probably right on. What I wonder about is this: Are we even able to see just how rooted we've become in the "me-centered" worldview?

We're a culture of rebels. (Hey, that's not entirely bad!)

In a recent book (you'll have to forgive me - I believe it was Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy but I'm fuzzy on the details and can't go check for a reference at the moment) - the author of said book pointed out that in America, we have been brought up in a  worldview that champions revolution. Our great nation was born out of revolution (something we see as a positive) - our brave forefathers kicked off the constraints of England and worked to create their own, better state (again, a positive). The Reformation was seen similarly, and the Reformers became saintly figures (without the title, of course - because that would be too Catholic). :)

While other cultures might inherently have a deep respect for time-honored tradition, our culture was created by men and women who were willing to question the old ways. We are always striving for change - for the next best thing.

So, naturally, being an American leads me to have a natural propensity to value the new and to be cautious of the old.

It was amazing the first time I was able to step outside of myself for just a moment and to look at myself, at my neighbors, at our culture. We really do seem to be a culture of "reformers" and "revolutionists!"

Why am I bringing this up?

I think it's helpful to recognize that much of what we may deem to be "common sense" may actually be "cultural sense." We perceive only what we are able to perceive through the filmy lens of our cultural perspective.

So when a small internal voice says, "We can do whatever we want," it sounds a lot like wisdom to our culturally-trained ears.

"Whittled to fit the same shape..."

I want to close with another excerpt from The Illumined Heart. This little 100 page volume gives us a lot of good things to think about. :)

In a chapter titled "Why we don't like repentance," Frederica Mathewes-Green talks about the me-centered, consumer-based culture that we live in. Whether we like it or not, it colors how we see ourselves, God, and the world around us. We believe (because everbody seems to believe) that our personal happiness and wellbeing is central to our life's purpose. We are at the center.

Unfortunately, we can easily apply this same worldview when seeking God. And the scary thing is that we have no idea that we're doing it.

Please note that the emphasis added below is all mine.


...... 
Excerpt from The Illumined Heart by Frederica Mathewes-Green, pg. 33-35

I call this the Frosting Cycle. Imagine the person who decides to comfort herself with a can of chocolate frosting. For a whie it tastes very, very good, and she feels better - and then she starts feeling a good bit worse. Submerged in bad, icky feelings, what can she do? Then the can's bright label catches her eye, and she thinks, "Chocolate makes me feel better." 

This cycle of excessive consuming just adds to our lousy feelings. It is debilitating to see ourselves as passive, nonproductive gluttons. But even to the sickness of too-much we can't see any solution except buying, acquiring, seducing, viewing, eating, or drinking more. Self-esteem is wrecked by self-indulgence, because a million self-indulgences add up to a person you can't respect very much. 

Thus, when we face eternal questions like "Why is the world so messed up?" and "How am I part of the problem?" we have a reduced pack of available answers. The quick answer, "Buy something and forget about it," is supremely seductive. It's also a more available solution than it was for our forebears. 

Many well-intentioned sources try to help by addressing the symptom rather than the disease, offering advice on gaining self-esteem or losing guilt or becoming more assertive in our quest for extra frosting. A good bit of the self-help section of any bookstore will be filled with titles about consoling and pampering ourselves, self-pity titles, and advice on getting others to give us what we want. 

Unfortunately, if we move over to the Christian bookstore, we will find much the same tone. Here, I'm sorry to say, Jesus is too often offered as a consoler whose only purpose is to meet our needs. His focus is on us, and we are invited to take the role of unhappy child and bask in that doting care. 

I can understand where this approach comes from. It's true that Jesus is the only answer to this eternal problem, the problem of meaninglessness and loneliness. When the surrounding culture thinks in terms of "What can meet my need?" or "Where can I get the frosting I deserve?" it's natural for Christians to say, "What you're really looking for is Jesus. He does what frosting does, and more." 

But the basic attitude of "How can I get what I want?" has still not been questioned. It hasn't even been recognized. "Jesus" may be a different answer from the one given by advertising, entertainment, and the consumer culture, but it's been whittled to fit the same shape. 

.....

Though we have the best of intentions, modern Christians are at risk of using Jesus as the answer to the self-serving question of "How can I get what I want?" instead of putting ourselves aside and asking "What does God want of me?"

But there is hope...

While church in American continues to be shaped in quiet ways by the surrounding culture, there is a church that has transcended culture for several thousand years.

It can show us, if we dare to look, what worshiping God looked like in the original church, before it was tainted by our judgments and corrections.

When we "try on" this new church perspective, some of it will itch and scrape. But we shouldn't be persuaded by the voice on our shoulder that those feelings of discomfort betray a falsehood. In actuality, it's just the discomfort we find in trading one worldview for a completely different one.

After all, we must recognize that any "me-centered" message ("I should prioritize my own comfort") is more likely a dangerous enemy than a trusted friend.

Glory to Thee Oh Our God, A Glory To Thee! 

Nuggets of Truth

In Orthodoxy, there is the lovely idea that, since man is made in God’s image, we are literally incapable of being 100% wrong all the time. (woohoo!) J 

Because of that, there are nuggets of truth everywhere. So when we learn a tidbit about Hinduism that sounds fitting in our experience and our worldview, and so silently tempts us to question our faith, we need not become anxious. There is a ready explanation: 

That Hindu nugget is just one little piece of truth that we can embrace while rejecting the things we know to be false. And that nugget can be affirmed as a testament to the truth of Christ that springs up in all cultures and across all continents, unintended and undirected by the people who may be ignorant of its full message. 

Likewise, Orthodox would say there are likely nuggets of varying sizes throughout all religions. Perhaps the Buddhist nugget is quite small, while the Lutheran nugget is quite large. 

I find it helpful to think about these nuggets, because otherwise we might get locked into a debate about absolutes when it comes to "who is right" and "who is wrong." 

We can instead start on common ground by standing firmly on our "nuggets" and moving forward from there. 

Praise God for showering the earth in so many ways with His Truth and His Glory!

"Lord Have Mercy" section from Akathist of Thanksgiving liturgy

This is just a small excerpt from my favorite liturgy, the Akathist of Thanksgiving. "40 Lord Have Mercies." I just thought I'd add it as a little "ps" after my last post. It's also a good example of the rich beauty of Orthodox liturgical singing. I find that this tune gets stuck in my head easily, which is such a gift.

"Lord Have Mercy"

I need to ask for your forgiveness. 

My dumb pride gets in the way of everything. Even yesterday's blog post - which was supposed to be largely about HUMILITY - gave me a little zing of pride as soon as I hit the "publish" button. I wondered if my writing would relate to anybody. I wondered if I had come up with an analogy that would really get the job done (because, you know, I'm just so brilliant...)

And then, as it often does, the pride turned into fear and self-deprecation..."Gosh darnit, you got too passionate again. You said too much. You were too wordy. You were too bossy. Why do you try to be clever. They'll probably just stop reading, because you're doing it all wrong..."  

I want to start a discussion that God might use for His glory, but even subconsciously, my stupid pride tries to sabotage that goal. Please forgive me for me for any hidden, selfish motives. I know they're in there. I'm asking God to get rid of them, but they've become a familiar companion. Pray for me. 

Maybe the best topic for today is "Lord Have Mercy." 

This is probably the cornerstone phrase of Orthodoxy, as far as I can tell. It's repeated over and over (and over!) in Liturgy, it's laced throughout prayer books, and it forms the heart of the Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner." 

"Lord have mercy" may be a surprising Orthodox cornerstone for those of us who used to look at "High Church" as pompous, arrogant, and removed from the true message of our need for God's grace. If you're like me, you saw repetitive prayer, ornate churches, and scripted liturgy as "vain religion," a form of legalism that does not emphasize (or perhaps even acknowledge) God's work of saving grace and mercy. 

In actuality, the Orthodox seem to have a firm grasp on just how much we need God's mercy. They ask for it daily - even hourly - and seem to recognize that God's mercy really does offer us grace in every moment of the day. Truly, in what moment are we NOT in need of God's mercy? I can't name even one. And when in those moments, when I'm at a loss for words, I don't have to be clever enough to come up with my own. I don't even have to be clever enough to memorize something. Even children who can barely talk can remember the words, "have mercy on me." 

What a beautiful and freeing gift. 

Fr. Rohr wrote about the phrase "Lord Have Mercy" in a Huffington Post entry: 

This is not a self-demeaning prayer, nor a self-defeating prayer, nor is it a dis-empowering prayer. Relying upon mercy, in fact, protects you from the arrogance and pride that wants to judge others, even in your mind. It situates you in freedom from any sense of your own sufficiency or superiority, and affirms a non-need to justify yourself, and thus keeps your heart open for others and for God. It is basically a prayer for detachment from the self, both mind and heart, and its endless games of self-validation. "Lord, have mercy" seeks validation only from God and not from any inner or outer attempts to be worthy, independently "good," or not-in-need-of-mercy.

My favorite (very slim) book about Orthodoxy is called The Illumined Heart, by Frederica Matthews-Green. 

If you're at all interested in reading about Orthodoxy, I highly suggest this as a first read. It's easily read and intended for the modern Christian audience. I also have a copy you can borrow. :)

She writes a lot about the Jesus Prayer. I'll end this posting with a teaser from The Illumined Heart. Note that "..." indicates that I've jumped forward a bit to the next section, just for the sake of space and your time.

From the beginning, Christians had wondered how to implement St. Paul's command to "pray constantly." It was of course impossible to speak verbal prayers without ceasing, day and night, not that some people didn't try. 

...

The Jesus Prayer arose as a way to practice unceasing prayer. It offered a short and simple form that can be repeated in an unhurried way no matter what else a person is doing. Since the prayer is silent and interior, it can be kept going in all situations. 

...

Murmuring like a brook, the prayer becomes the background music of every other thought and deed in life. It beats in the heart through long years, accompanying the believer at every moment. 

...

This may sound a little craven to modern-day believers, for whom a healthy idea of repentance is still somewhat new. Yet the discomfort we feel is based partly on misunderstanding. This prayer doesn't ask Jesus for forgiveness, it asks him for mercy. We don't have to keep pestering Jesus to forgive us; if repentance is sincere, asking only once is enough, as was shown to the thief on the cross. 

But mercy is slightly different. The Hebrew word is hesed, meaning "steadfast love," a love that perseveres to save the beloved. In Greek it's eleos, and "Lord, have mercy" is Kyrie, eleison. In that language it resonates poetically with elaion, olive oil, the medium for medicinal balm. The Good Samaritan bound the wounds of the beaten man with elaion. This healing mercy is an inherent attribute of Jesus, and it is steadfast and constant, streaming toward us ceaselessly. 

The problem is not in God's willingness to have mercy, but in our forgetting that we need it. (emphasis mine) We keep lapsing into ideas of self-sufficiency, or get impressed with our niceness, and so we lose our humility. Asking for mercy reminds us that we are still poor and needy, and fall short of the glory of God. Those who do not ask do not receive, because they don't know their own need. 

What is the "Given"?

One of the few things I remember from high school math is doing proofs. Remember? You start by writing out what is given, and then you work the equation from there to "prove" the formula or equation or whatever. Like this:




I always kind of liked doing proofs, because they provide you with a solid ground to start on. The "given" in a math formula gives you clear parameters to guide the rest of your work. No matter what you do to solve the problem, you must stay within the guidelines of the "given."

I feel like church examination works a bit this way.

When looking for God's truth (and his "true church," whatever that may be), I think we all start with a set of "givens" and work forward from there. For many of us, the "givens" are defined by our culture, what we were taught growing up, and what others around us believe.

Nearly all Christians will agree on certain "givens": that Christ is the Son of God, was crucified, died, and buried; rose again; ascended to heaven; is coming again to judge the quick and the dead - essentially, the Nicene Creed. But there are scores of very diverse churches who claim they believe the Nicene Creed and yet hold very different "fringe beliefs." (I used to think the "fringe" doesn't really matter that much....but then I asked myself, "Who am I to judge what matters and what does not matter in God's church?" Best to hold my tongue, put on a little more humility, and leave the answer to that question to Him.)

My "Givens" looked a lot like this:

• The Bible is the backbone of Christianity. Churches should "teach the Bible" and nothing more. 
• "Sola Scriptura" (Scripture Alone) - and the rest of the 5 "Solas" - are foundational truths. 
• Belief in "Assurance of Salvation" is important - almost a cornerstone.
• Church Tradition that is not directly taught in the Bible is dangerous. 
• It is wrong (and kind of superstitious) to pray to Mary or the Saints. 

Also (and this is important!) - In Christendom, there are Catholics, and there are Protestants. You've got to pick one or the other. Since we believe we have seen so clearly the folly of Catholic practice, both in history or in our own experience, we conclude that the only choice left is to move forward confidently as a Protestant.

The nagging in my heart truly started when I began to question my "givens." 

In math, your "given" has to be rock solid in order to do your proof correctly. If the given is even slightly off, then it doesn't matter how much you work toward the right answer - you'd just be spinning your wheels. You could probably explain an answer that "makes sense," but with a faulty "given," the entire equation would be distorted at best. You're not going to get the same result if you have an incorrect "given." 

I wanted desperately to believe that my "church givens" were rock solid. (I mean, who really likes to change? Anyone? Anyone?) But when I started prodding at them to see if they would stand (and I really hoped they would!) - it seemed that they raised more questions than answers.

For instance - the 5 "Solas" (Scripture Alone, Faith Alone, Grace Alone, Christ Alone, To God Alone Be the Glory) are considered the "Pillars of the Protestant Reformation." These are unfaltering "givens" for many people, and from a modern American perspective, those "pillars" that are over 350 years old do seem to offer sure footing.   

I was amazed, then, the first time I saw the below timeline. Notice that we're dealing with several thousand years of church history here, not just 350. Suddenly, the "given" that Sola Scriptura is a foundational truth seems to falter. If the below timeline is accurate (and I've come to believe that it probably is), that means "Sola Scriptura" and the rest of the 5 "Sola" pillars are new doctrines. They were not believed by early Christians. What do I make of that?



The Bible itself raises some questions as well...

We believe ardently in the infallible truth of the Bible (a point no one in the Orthodox church would dispute) and so "Sola Scriptura" feels right to many of us. After all, what else do we have to guide us that offers the purity of God's inspired text? But if we look very closely, we soon have to wonder: WHICH Bible should we be applying "Sola Scriptura" to? I was taught as a child that Catholics added books to the Bible. (An abomination!) In actuality, we took some books away from the Bible.

There is also the matter of having a correct translation, as many argue that some key words have been altered, which in turn alters the overall meaning of a passage. In Fr. Damick's book Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy, the author writes:

"Luther was so insistent on this formulation (sole fide) that, when he was translating Romans 3:28 into German, he added the German word allien ("alone"), so that the verse would read: "Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith alone without the deeds of the law." But the word alone is not present in the Greek text." (More on this in a future posting....the Orthodox DO believe that we are saved by grace through faith and not of works - but they also believe that there is a "works" without which faith is "dead" (James 2:17-26). 

And lastly, the question of interpretation came across my radar. There are many, many churches who claim they "just teach the Gospel." And yet, among them you can find a host of varying doctrines. The preachers and teachers all believe their doctrines are true because they are able to prove them using their interpretation of the Bible. And yet, many of these interpretations sharply disagree with one another. (Their "givens" were different, and so they led to varying "proofs"....with the same colors maybe, but differing in substance.) 

Through examination like what I've shared above, I soon found that my "given" of Sola Scriptura began to teeter.  Because of the above questions, I could not in good conscious move forward feeling assured I was on solid ground. In like manner, many of my other givens had to be equally shaky simply because they were new doctrines. Reactionary doctrines. Doctrines born out of a revolution, and not part of what original Christians believed. At the very least, I should be cautious.

Another Thing: Our "Givens" create their own "Tradition."

While I was always quick to rail against "Church Tradition" because it seemed to add something to the Bible, God opened my eyes to see that we all act under the umbrella of some kind of church tradition. Sola Scriptura became our "tradition," as did "cultural relevancy," social justice, "Assurance of Salvation," or popular opinion. I realized that the "givens" I embraced became my Church Tradition. I held to their "truths" just as firmly as I held to Biblical ones. (And while I believed all of them were firmly planted in scripture, I now see that, just as with many doctrines, interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. I have no guarantee that my interpretation, or our interpretation, is fully accurate.)

It's really interesting, actually. While I thought that what we needed was ONLY the Bible with NO Tradition, I soon discovered that we ALL interpret the Bible according to our own Tradition.

The question, then, is not "should we follow a Church Tradition," but rather, "WHICH Church Tradition can be trusted?" 

If I'm to pursue God fully and without reservation, no matter the personal costs, and no matter how much comfort is lost - then it's important to submit to the solid, original, trustworthy Church Tradition. It's the only way. Otherwise we can argue and translate and interpret ourselves into a real mess - which is kind of what's already happening.


So, after all of that....that IS the "Given"?

God really brought me to a place of humility by knocking all my "givens" out of the water. Not that any of them were completely false, but that none of them were infallible. With closer examination, it looked like each of them were at least partially skewed. And a skewed "given" will lead to a lopsided conclusion.

The only "given" now must be the reality of the glory of our Triune God - The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit - His perfect presence and Holy will. 

A humble and contrite heart will find Him. Pride (my personal stronghold) will not.

The answer has to lie within the very person of God. It does not lie within man's understanding.

Do I Really Want to Know Who God Is?

When Orthodoxy first crossed my path in a real way, I found myself struggling with a bit of an identity crisis. My brother had converted (along with half a dozen or so trusted friends) - and I was starting to feel an inner tug to learn more.

The trouble is, as soon as you start learning more about something you're not, the tendency is to justify that you're perfectly fine the way you are. At least, that was my experience.

As I looked at Orthodoxy, I saw a lot of my own practices that would have to change if I ever (really, seriously) considered converting. And I didn't like the idea of change. For example, I'd have to embrace liturgy, confession, and a whole host of other things I had always firmly rejected. Things like...

• Regimented daily prayer and regular fasting....isn't that just "works religion"?
• A literal "communion of saints," including patron saints, icons, prayers to Mary....isn't that diverting worship away from Jesus and onto people who don't deserve our worship?
• Sacraments....aren't those close to superstition? (I mean, logically, the bread and wine stays bread and wine.) 
• A claim to be the only true, historic church. Man, this one is hard to swallow when you've become a card-carrying non-denominational believer. After all, isn't the "golden rule" of modern Christianity that we don't claim that any one denomination has it completely right? We are all under God's saving grace....we enjoy "unity in diversity"....we should "major on the majors, and minor on the minors," and so on. 

These are dangerous waters if you've grown up as an Evangelical Protestant. 

But for the life of me, I couldn't escape one nagging question: "Do I really want to know God, no matter what?" 

This question became a burning fire that I could not extinguish. I knew I had been selfish in the way I had always approached this question, preferring my own comfort above all else. And so I wondered: Do I have the courage to put myself aside and really pursue God, no matter the costs? 

For several years, I lived in that inner turmoil - pitching and tossing on a sea of uncertainty, but too stubborn to really look God in the eye.

(If God had some hidden closet that I didn't know about, I would really prefer that it stay hidden.)

I am touched to think that, despite my sinful motives - my fear and stubbornness and pride - God drew me up out of that pit anyway. I don't truly know how or why, but I feel I can now answer, "YES, I DO want to know God - no matter WHAT."

God won that inner wrestling match. If I have to choose between myself and my savior, I choose Him. Having that matter settled gave me some inner peace. I felt free to pursue God without fear of what I might find.

Back to Orthodoxy: Why even take a second look? 



It's a faith that is ancient, rich, and cohesive. The well-documented traditions date back to the time of the first church, and no foundational doctrines have been changed since that time. It's so rich, in fact, that I feel at a loss for words anytime I start in and try to "sum it up."
(It would struggle to fit on a Bible tract!)

"Why Orthodoxy?" I hope you'll get glimpses of the answer to that question through future blog postings. If you'd like, you can google it now to see what others are saying. :)

It's kind of like Narnia...

I feel like I've been looking through a key-hole at a world completely foreign to me. First I just glanced at it, and it was easy to turn away. I was even relieved to turn away, because what I saw through that keyhole seemed like it might be able to change my life. That sounded risky. Better stay away.

But I soon grew comfortable studying the world beyond the keyhole. I read books to learn about the perspectives, customs, beliefs, and stories of that world, which was beginning to richly unfold before my eyes.

And now, I have my eye pressed tightly against that keyhole, taking in as much as I can from this side of the door, enjoying each sound and scent that wafts through that small opening.

And suddenly, I'm aware that I'm different.

It's as though I've passed through the wardrobe, discomforting as it may have been, and now find myself a Narnian. Remember when Narnia felt like home to the children, and the Wardrobe and the Spare Room were but memories?

I feel similarly. It's an experience that is very hard to quantify.

Somehow, in many ways, Orthodoxy - the world beyond the keyhole - has come to feel like home. And so I find myself feeling like a foreigner in my own land, without a way to explain to my fellow men anything that I've seen or heard. (And if I could explain it, as Lucy tried to do - perhaps no one would believe me?)  It feels like too much to grasp, too much to share, too much to explain.

And so here I am, starting this blog, trying to recount some of the things I've experienced. I'm an unworthy messenger, but the message is of such great value that I have to give it a shot.